Parents

How do we leave them? How do we love them?

This is something I’ve brought up in my posts numerous times.

For those of you who have been following, and those have not (totally fine), I moved to Boston a few months ago. It took me a while to admit I needed a therapist, psychiatrist and more. I was recently diagnosed with anorexia, and while I feel it may be inaccurate…it’s there

Anyway!

This weekend, I’m spending my birthday with my dad, I turn 24 on the July 22nd. So we’re doing fun things. I have a whole itinerary planned. I’m hypomanic, It’s okay, my new psych is the best. I can be really honest and he says okay, I want to help you (not hospitalized you) and just makes sure you can live your life as best as possible.

I”m going to find a new therapist.

On the other hand. My real birthday weekend, July 22nd, I’m going to Martha’s Vineyard with my mother. In the past I would’ve been happy and excited. But now I feel weary and kind of anxious about how it will be for 5 days.

I survived the week. I never ever would have guessed how hard it is to do life with a mental illness but GOD DAMN it is difficult. Every single day, I have to applaud myself and I hope you all do to.

It’s a lot to do and seriously, you’re doing amazing You’re doing great.

Happy MF weekend!’

 

 

Ah I reapplied I posted this thing without bringing up my mom. My mom, I’m going to copy and paste our convo and leave it at that..

Michelle S:

But I talk to my psychiatrist about it

And it’s not a good fit.

Mom:

Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Michelle S:

Okay

Mom:

They ‘work’ for you. If it’s not a good fit. Move on.

Michelle S:

I think I have the best psychiatrist ever

I’m not kidding

Mom:

I’m glad you do!

Michelle S:

He’s better than Salvatore or anyone else

And he gave me good recommendations for therapists

All in Cambridge

But I said lunch time or after hours and I’m good

Mom:

Perfect!

That’s exactly the type of doctor you need. Someone who helps you!

Michelle:

And I see him often which I like

We go every 2 weeks

And I can tell him everything honestly without having the fear of being committed to a hospital

It’s really liberating

Like I am so so so so happy

Mom:

I’m so glad!!!

Michelle S:

I can be honest without being scared

And that’s not something I usually can do

Mom:

I’m so sorry you had that experience. I had no idea.

You should never be afraid to be honest.

I’m so glad you found someone who is exactly who you need.

Michelle S:

I always have to double check what I say

But its okay now, I found someone who is really helpful

Mom:

Good.

That must have been very frustrating and demeaning.

I’m so glad you’re rid of all those who made you feel that way.  You should never have that experience.

Michelle S:

I think it’s the name of the beast or whatever they say

Comes with the territory etc

Mom:

You’re beyond that now.

Michelle S:

I know

I’m moving in the right direction

Mom:

I am so proud of you.

:

Thanks

Mom:

Yes you are.

Michelle S:

I’m sorry when I’m mean to you mom

You know that I love you so much

You and dad, regardless of your relationship

Mean so much to me

To be honest

I used to think I would just disappear and never talk to any of my family again

And then I realized that I really need my mom and dad forever

Mom:

Please don’t be. You never have to apologize to me.

I understand whenever you’re upset.

Michelle S:

And I don’t know what I would do without you

Mom:

I’m always here for you. I’m not going anywhere.

I’m the big mama bear – you can’t mess with my cubs. I will save you and protect you forever.

I love you more than anything.

Michelle S:

I know you’re the best mom ever I love you so much too

I’m really really happy that I got you as a mom

Fate just

Let it happen

Mom:

I’m so happy I have you for a daughter. Everything happens for a reason and this worked out perfectly.

Michelle S:

I’m really excited for Marthas Vineyard

We will have a nice relaxing weekend just reading books and getting some sun

I’m glad I’m spending it with you

Mom:

Me too. It will be lots of fun!

Michelle cl:

Yes it will

 

 

But I do love her. She doesn’t get it She never will. I Try. But nope

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