Double Edged Sworded Doctors

Honestly, where would we be without them? Disclaimer- this is a general sense of a doctor who prescribes helpful medication, is understanding and overall is a positive attribute to your care team. 

Okay, now that I cleared that up.

I have been counting down to my psych appointment tomorrow. I even tried to reschedule it to make it earlier. Not because I am dreading it but because I feel so unstable. I need help. I reached out to my parents and they don’t get it. So I resort to alcohol, always makes things worse. 

For my appointment tomorrow, I made a list of how I felt so he could help me properly. You should tell doctors the truth, right?

That is until I paused. If I tell him the truth, there’s a chance I’ll be sleeping with a roommate in an inpatient ward. There’s such a fine line between I’ll up your seroquel, sleep more, stay in, exercise and eat healthy and you can’t take care of yourself and therefore, you’re off to the hospital. 

So I tweeked things a bit. 

I said I was going to bars, but just to socialize, I never blacked out. 

I said I was spending money, but it’s because my birthday is next week and I feel bored so I shop. 

But here I am, I woke up at 430am, randomly, and went for a 3 mile run. Not a big deal, but not normal for me. My lithium level is stable. I’m .9 and that’s the healthy therapeutic range. 

I think I could be suffering from seasonal summer hypomania, despite my meds. 

I NEED a good session tomorrow. But at the same time, I’m afraid to be too honest because I’m just not at a place to put my life on pause right now for a hospitalization. I haven’t disconnected from the world and I feel semi grounded in reality, but otherwise, my head is spinning. 

Nevertheless, I’m going to be positive. A lot of things have been really tough lately and I’ve struggled. But I’ve still completed a lot and been productive. 

Today is going to be a good day. The week is almost half over. Happy Wednesday! 

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2 thoughts on “Double Edged Sworded Doctors

  1. hey hun wishing you good luck for your psych apt tomorrow, i’d say be honest, if you have a good relationship with your psychiatrist. Hopefully they’ll listen to you and agree not to hospitalise you. xo

    Like

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