I officially accepted, I’m hypomanic.
I have spent over $3,000 on lounge wear, bikinis, underwear, candles, and who else knows
I wrote my dad a Father’s Day card over 15 times, editing it to be completely perfect and show the most amount of emotion
I haven’t been eating. I even made an instagram to prove my eating disorder, along with my actual eating disorder and ED psychologist who is completely amazing! I am blessed I found her.
I’ve been drinking a bottle of wine every night, or more..
I can’t sit still. Never have I ever
I will go to a bar, by myself, and order glass after glass. It’s mostly my technique to getting through my next daily task of getting my hair done or sitting through a work meeting (I can’t sit still)
I don’t do work, ever.
I’m OBSESSED with lists and scheduling to the point of crippling anxiety. If I don’t have everything planned out to the T, no good.
I’ve contemplated large, huge, drastic life decisions. Like career changes. Etc..
I’ve been abusing klonopin
Other things, other places, other people
It is what it is. Here I am.
I don’t even know what to say.
Do I apologize for being hypomanic? Do I apologize for the behaviors I have? Bipolar is something so new in my life so I’m learning what to do and when to do it.
No, I’m not going to the hospital. Yes, I will probably continue to do my poor behaviors.
But I’m going to do my best to not put so much pressure and stress on myself so this phase passes.
That’s how it happens, right? I’ve never been truly hypomanic, only manic. You just go through it for a little then back to normal life? My only experience is being hospitalized and then stupid step down, PHP to IOP to traditional outpatient.
Meh, happy Saturday!