Hello Hypomania

I officially accepted, I’m hypomanic. 

I have spent over $3,000 on lounge wear, bikinis, underwear, candles, and who else knows

I wrote my dad a Father’s Day card over 15 times, editing it to be completely perfect and show the most amount of emotion

I haven’t been eating. I even made an instagram to prove my eating disorder, along with my actual eating disorder and ED psychologist who is completely amazing! I am blessed I found her.

I’ve been drinking a bottle of wine every night, or more..

I can’t sit still. Never have I ever

I will go to a bar, by myself, and order glass after glass. It’s mostly my technique to getting through my next daily task of getting my hair done or sitting through a work meeting (I can’t sit still)

I don’t do work, ever.

I’m OBSESSED with lists and scheduling to the point of crippling anxiety. If I don’t have everything planned out to the T, no good.

I’ve contemplated large, huge, drastic life decisions. Like career changes. Etc..

I’ve been abusing klonopin

Other things, other places, other people

It is what it is. Here I am.

I don’t even know what to say.

Do I apologize for being hypomanic? Do I apologize for the behaviors I have? Bipolar is something so new in my life so I’m learning what to do and when to do it.

No, I’m not going to the hospital. Yes, I will probably continue to do my poor behaviors.

But I’m going to do my best to not put so much pressure and stress on myself so this phase passes.

That’s how it happens, right? I’ve never been truly hypomanic, only manic. You just go through it for a little then back to normal life? My only experience is being hospitalized and then stupid step down, PHP to IOP to traditional outpatient.

Meh, happy Saturday!

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4 thoughts on “Hello Hypomania

  1. Sorry, I’ve been through this when I was younger. I know you’re not asking yet I’m offering cause it’s all I can do, hide your credit cards, chop them up….I rang up huge amounts of debt being hypomanic, I’m talking tens of thousands. You don’t need to apologize for being you at all however when the flip side hits and you have to pay off for it then it really sucks. This phase will definitely pass as all things in life do…sometimes we just have to convince ourselves that we have the strength to wait it out. 🙂

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  2. I went through three months of being manic , spent 7k, had 3 inpatient visits. The last one was when I actually came down. Oh and I was on the missing persons list, dad did that. Lived out of hotels, always making friends. Truthfully it was the most fun of a summer ever. Finally, my mania finally came down with meds. First two visits, I did not continue with meds.

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