That’s not on my list 

Ah, to-do lists, schedules, calendars, productivity apps and articles. The world loves to make these chores look pretty in colorful notebooks or user-friendly apps. I’m writing this as my brain is scrambled so I apologize.

I would like a pretty, color coded calendar inside my brain. I struggle so much to plan what to do, when and what if that takes long or I’m too tired to think about moving boxes or I am unexpected starving. 

Weekdays are easier. I have the structure of leaving by 530am, going to the gym, going to work and then usually some appointment in the afternoon. 

Weekends are tough. There’s no healthy structure aside from what I trust myself to create. Clearly, this is really hard for me. 

This is my pre-move weekend. I have furniture to buy, everything I own to pack, cleaning to do, sorting through and organize old things and useless. I have laundry to do and errands to run. 

On top of working out each day (although I should be nice and give myself a break but I can’t), planning what to eat and when (torture in itself, can I eat froyo for every meal) going into my office to work (because law firm work-life balance) and be home to let my replacement move some of her stuff into my apartment.

Ah and I have to call and switch all utilities and other forgotten things. 

Of course, the only way to be productive this weekend is by how I went to sleep at 9pm last night after leaving work early to take a 2 hour nap. I have to be super nice to myself right now. I think it’s referred to as “self compassion”. I’m struggling to balance it all. I don’t know what to do when. I’m trying to think of a good plan of what to do. 

It’s hard. I want to say don’t wake up early to work out, you do that every morning, take a break. My brain doesn’t accept that. I’m constantly at a calories in, calories out battle.

This is the weekend of discomfort, change and unpredictability. Nothing about control!!! I’m going to do my best to roll with the punches but I honestly can’t wait for it to be over and to be all moved into my new apartment and new life. 

I can only go up from here! There’s so much brightness in my future!

Happy Saturday! 

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