I used to brag about my memory. I remembered birthdays, phone numbers, what people said 5 years ago, flight confirmation numbers, anything and everything.
This morning, I had to have a staff member help me open my locker. I swore that I had locked my belongings in it only an hour prior. I went around and she used the master key to open 10 lockers and none of them were mine. Turns out, my locker wasn’t even in that section.
I flipped through pictures on my computer to see a former teammate visited me in New York City once 4 years ago. I completely blanked out on the visit. What did we do together? Where did she sleep? Where did I sleep? How did she travel to visit me? Did she just stay for one day? I couldn’t remember anything from the visit.
My memory has decreased from the days when I didn’t have to write things down or ask for clarification. Some days are better than others, but I always have to remember to remember.
I think it’s a mix of manic episodes and the lithium that make me forgetful. While it doesn’t reduce my quality of life, I just have to be more careful about things, double check, make lists and overprepare.
It’s not something I really mind, I just sometimes wish I could have the memories and be able to look back on things I’ve experienced. I’m still figuring out this whole bipolar life and it’s just one more thing I’ve learned to embrace and manage!