I’ve been struggling with a bunch lately and one thing is my living situation. At first, my roommates and I all got along great. We were the 3 best friends. This is typical of me, once I meet new teammates, roommates, coworkers, whatever, I go extreme and love them to death and plan trips together and pay for their things and want to do everything together.
When I first meet someone, I set no boundaries. Once the novelty wears off, my moodiness comes back and I can’t suppress it or let the excitement smother my agitation. My irritation hits, I just want to be alone. I’m too impatient to go to the grocery store with other people and I’m too neurotic to live my life with another person attached to my hip, or multiple people (in today’s language a *squad*). When I’m in a mood, I find it very hard to muscle through it and have a non negative conversation or practice patience.
I’ve always been like this. I remember being a little girl and I would tell my mom how annoyed I was at my friends for little things like copying what I ordered at a restaurant or for staying over my house too long after a sleep over.
I used to have a playdate schedule for after school and would impulsively change my mind mid-day and decide I didn’t want to hang out with that person anymore.
I do love having a social life but it really comes and goes depending on my mood. I get really impatient and really impulsive. I have the hardest time managing being too close, too intensely intertwined with girl friends and then the opposite when I push them away and need to do my own thing.
It’s something I’ve always had issues with and it’s something I thought I would outgrow. I’ve blamed it on the environment of high school and then college. But it’s something I’m still struggling with today. Until then, I will remain being consistently inconsistent.