This past week, I had the most isolated week in a while. No valentines day or *galentines* day for me, just me and my two cats, alone. I spent most of the weekend in my bed, watching TV or driving aimlessly or walking around a mall, by myself.
My head started to get all wacky. I started to think that no one would notice if I were gone. I started to think what was I even doing moving to Boston? Maybe I made the biggest mistake of my post-graduate life. Maybe I should just pick up and move to Miami or San Diego or back home. No one wanted to hire me, I have practically no work experience and I feel like I have no friends.
Unemployment is bad for mental health. Period. Some people may be better at it than others, but I started to fall into my insane spectrum. I felt hopeless.
So today, having applied to 83 jobs since January 1, 2017, I drove home. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell my parents. I just woke up and drove 5 hours south.
On the New Jersey turnpike, I just kept thinking. If I don’t a job I’m going to become a born again Catholic. I was sort of joking but sort of serious. And then I thought, I’ll become a nun! And then I thought, do they even allow nuns to have bipolar disorder or be in denial alcoholics? Who knows.
My unemployment has made my head messed up. I’ve become paranoid about what people think of me, especially my roommates. My disordered eating habits have gone too far. My alcohol habits are unmentionable. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and I’m aware of it, which makes it worse unlike when I’m actually in a manic state.
But maybe thinking I would become a born-again Catholic worked one with the big man upstairs because at 4:30 this afternoon, I received a call. At the other end of the call was a job offer at a law firm. I didn’t even think twice about it, I accepted.
In exactly one week, I’ll have a health insurance, paid-time off and whatever fancy benefits you get from a corporate America 9-5 desk job! The mental beating I took isn’t exactly worth it to get a job, but I took it and I survived.
Now let’s see how much of a mental beating I’ll need to keep the job. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed, as always.