I feel a little silly and a little annoying for posting like 10 times a day. But here I am, with one more post for the night. I decided to drink because why not. After tonight I have to go sober. I’m going to because I get urine tested. So sober NYE for me, how sad….. Will I do it? I have no idea.
But tomorrow I start PHP. I’m happy I’m not going inpatient. I’m happy to be free and I’m happy that I can do my life. I got approved for unemployment today! I bought some stuff to settle into my dads house and organize my clothes, makeup, etc.
I’m going to drive up to Boston New Year’s Day and tell my roommates I have an illness, I had an episode and I’m getting help. I hope to be back mid February. (Or what I’ll really do is get someone to take over my lease and move to NYC, who knows at this point)
I’m really into this whole BeautyCounter thing. It’s like you promote these products that have no chemicals but it’s very sales and entrupruential. This is my website by the way, BeautyCounter. And I’m good at that. I’m a people person and I’m a little neurotic. So I got started with that I’m glad I’m not in an inpatient bed right now. IM SO GLAD I’M NOT INPATIENT . But I feel okay. I feel safe. The new doctor at my old PHP program seems to be really understanding and I was honest with her. And she said that I need to be honest because she can’t help me if I’m not.
I’m still nervous though. Like last time I went PHP I was stable. I was on lithium. Now I’m not. I may cry during group and I’m not used to being that girl. I’m never that girl who shows emotions. I was raised to be composed and collected always, always, always. So it’s going to be a tough first day. But I’m glad I know the roots of the program. I know the place, lots of familiar faces with therapists. The schedule is familiar and it’s recovery. I’m getting help. This is recovery for me. I’m going to get better. I can be stable. I can be independent. I can do anything I put my mind to. I always have and I always will.
Bipolar people are the most strong people ever. There may be a stigma and people may not know, but we are so strong because of the things we deal with. We deal with them and we still can make a life for ourselves.
So tonight, last night, but I am going to cheers to the bipolar disorder community and I’m going to tell every single person that no one is alone and help is ALWAYS there. It may seem far or impossible. Getting help is almost the hardest step. But once you have the resources and the support, you can do it. We are a community of success. And we will continue to succeed regardless of this illness that makes us struggle. Goodnight and so much love and support to everyone out there, struggle or not. We are never alone.