I can’t stay in the city tonight. I broke a wine glass in the grill room. It was so embarrassing. And I got back to my room, in the shower and broke down sobbing about being so sad. I don’t even know what I’m sad about.
I guess, I feel like it’s unfair. I didn’t do anything to deserve this disease or illness. I can’t live the life I want.
I met with these BeautyCounter mentors and I got so excited and then I realized I may be gone for 2 weeks. We laughed and had so much fun. I really don’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve just had a fun girls night out.
I don’t want to go to the hospital. I don’t want to be sick. I want a normal life and I’m playing victim, for once, and it’s not fair. I’m sad. And my dad is coming to pick me up in NYC because I can’t stop crying. I can’t stay the night here alone. For once, I can’t be strong. I can’t carry myself home.
I guess the one positive is I ate more calories today than I have the entire month. I still feel down. Tomorrow is my appointment. That’s all I have to say for now.