I slept for about 4 hours, hopped on the train and landed myself at the Whitney museum. I’ve seen everything there and I was agitated so I did my balcony relaxation and left. I went to shop for some more lounge wear and got a comfy pair of pants. I went to shop more but I’m too irritable and impatient.
I was going to go to the NY historical society, all the way up town, but I don’t have the energy right now. So I’m just hanging out at one of my dads social clubhouses.
I’m having this eating issue. I’m never hungry so I don’t eat. And then when I do eat, I feel sick and I throw up. But I’m here at the Norwood club, eating and drinking some wine. But mostly trying to drink because I don’t want to throw up or feel nauseous from eating, for once.
Tomorrow is my appointment. My therapist said that if there isn’t a bed available then to go PHP until one is. But I’m afraid that if I tell them my symptoms and no bed is available, they will make me stay in the ER. I can’t go to an emergency room, I have PTSD from Columbia-pres. I would rather feel unsafe than be in an ER.
Anywho, I’m enjoying the day. Walking a ton on my messed up ankle but I’m alive, surviving, breathing, thriving, pumping blood throughout my body. I’m doing it. I always do it. I’m strong and I know I’m strong, even when I feel sad or crazy or weak. Every damn person on this planet is a strong human, mind over matter.
One of my favorite places in my favorite city. I love you so much New York!!! *never want to go back to Boston* is how I feel right now.