Tuesday Night Rants

I had a weirdly nice night with my mom. I told her all about my mood and what goes on in my head. We had a nice discussion. We agreed. We disagreed. But we didn’t fight. She said that she doesn’t think this manic episode is worrisome to her as the past have been. Which is comforting. She’s my mother and I know even though we don’t always get along (rarely) she does have that maternal instinct that I won’t understand as I’m not a mother.

I feel happy and loved right now. But I’m also drinking an entire bottle of wine until my dad comes home from his dinner when I hoped to be passed out so he doesn’t freak that my cats are still here. I don’t think he understands that they are my therapy animals that provide me love and support that I need. If I’m in this house, so are they. When I go on vacation this week, they’ll be gone.

Anyway, I’m back to online shopping. I’ve cancelled all of my events, minus my vacation. I called a potential PHP/IOP in Boston because that’s where I want to be. And my mom agrees that if I find a place to go to in Boston, I should go there. I am becoming more mature and older so it’s okay for me to not be babysat by mom and dad. And being home is a trigger. This is just me ranting my thoughts. We’ll see what happens. I must stay positive and hopeful.

Tomorrow, I’m going to try and go to the gym. For those who don’t know, I was a college swimmer and swimming is good when you have a sprained ankle but for me swimming just emphasizes the racing thoughts. So I’ll try the elliptical. I’ve lost 10 lbs since moving, mostly because I’ve become *unwell* but I feel like I need to go to the gym to burn off all the wine. Cheers and goodnight to all. Hopefully we will all have a great nights rest. Who knows, I may post 6 more times tonight or I may not post at all. Goodnight world!


7 thoughts on “Tuesday Night Rants

  1. Omg I was just thinking the same thing…lol
    Yeah my momster..even on her drug induced state lol…would randomly burst with sudden wisdom…and revert right back to crazy. Fantastic haha. However all the canceling and sudden shifts concern me. I’m sorry…I have to say true things now. Learning. Anyway…move slow. Take your time. Buy a metronome (;

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s funny how something so “relaxing” to people can make you so stressed. Haha. I also feel the same way about breathing. I was known in PHP/IOP for the girl who didn’t do well w breathing exercise but the more *participate* ones. So I get where you are coming from!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was initially going to say that I feel the same way when I go for a walk. It’s supposed to be relaxing and escape from life’s worries but I often can’t shut off the eternal chatter in my brain. The only way I know how is to go to sleep, which is one of my favourite pastimes. I ended up saying breathing to be a smart arse implying that I have racing thoughts ALL the time – ie while breathing.


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