Change in plans

In therapy, we decided I would revisit my old outpatient program. So, for now, I’m going to still go on my Christmas vacation and then hopefully find the help I need here since I have no support in Boston. Living at home, with my divorced parents, is a huge stressor. But I guess it’s true that my mental health comes first.

I also feel like a failure. I keep reminding myself that progress isn’t linear and relapse is part of the process. But I moved and started a life and felt independent and it was a great feeling and now I’m back to square one. It’s really hard, I feel disappointed. But it’s all a learning process. Good thing I have 2 more bottles of wine to crush before I go on vacation.

I’m stressed about what to tell my roommates (always blame things on family things?) and I’m also going to miss my apartment and just living life up there on my own! But it’s temporary. I still feel panicky because I have all these appointments and things set up and now I’m like, up in the air. Because if it turns out that I’m “well enough” in a few weeks then I can go back up to Boston. I also have mail for unemployment and disability being sent up to my Boston address that I won’t be able to receive. And I have not enough clothes, good excuse to go shopping? Ha

And I applied to a bunch of jobs so it’s like do I pursue them? I’m so confused right now. But my therapist is just like, get well. And so I’m bored. I want to shop. But I guess I have to “get well”. And it’s cold out. Hope everyone else is having a better day.

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