So I have this insane schedule of stuff to do tomorrow like get my stitches out (*hopefully*), pack and prepare for going home, going to NYC, going to another holiday party, going to Puerto Rico, and then getting my car fixed and then coming back to Boston before the 28th. And I’m meeting with a few people for networking/job opportunity things. And then I come back and I’m meeting with new job people, and it’s my roommates 25th birthday and NYE and 2017! I can’t believe it. My head is spinning. I have it all in my phone and made a word doc, which I sent to my dad so he can confirm that everything is correct with payments, my car, etc, etc.
2015 was the most traumatic year of my life and 2016 was filled with learning experiences to an extent I’ll never be able to explain. But I’m excited for 2017.
And so, in 2017, I’m meeting with a new therapist. I guess she is technically called a counselor since I can’t shell out $200/week for my therapist, love her so much tho. But the new woman specializes in alcohol and substance abuse. And that’s something I’ve been awful, awful, awful about. I mean, lately, I drink almost a bottle a night. It’s a self-medicating thing, since I stopped taking my lithium. I still do what I need to do. I guess you can call this a *functioning alcoholic*. It’s definitely genetic because my dad has the same problem (he admits to it and he’s aware that I struggle the same path) but he’s mature enough to stay away from wine as much as possible.
I’m nervous because seeing the new therapist is going to bring out a real root issue that I’m going to have to tackle and I’m not sure if I’m ready to do that. My wine is my crutch. It’s also my enemy. I have lost a lot of opportunities and a lot of positive things because I clutch the bottle more than I clutch my self-control.
I bought a book today at Barnes and Noble, it just was there in the front as a new best seller called The Weight of Zero by Karen Fortunati. It was literally serendipity, a great read for me to bring on vacation this week. It brings up bipolar and suicide and there’s nothing I love more than a good mental health story. So here’s to the upcoming week and to the holidays. Let’s all hang in there and stay positive.
Last year, I was PHP, I was outpatient, partial hospitalization so it’s completely different for me to have zero structure around this chaotic time of year. But I’m doing it. We can all do it. You know, you just do it. And I’ll be up for a bunch more hours but I hope people sleep well and are rested for the upcoming week and holidays to come.
Thank you for all of my supporters. I have felt so much love from this blog, I truly think it’s been my saving grace from harming myself or others or bad behaviors. So I love all of you and appreciate you to death! Xoxoxoxo
**a photo/quote I’ve always loved**