Each day is a rollercoaster

This morning started out productive.

  • I went to the bank to get quarters for laundry
  • I got an ankle brace that is working wonders for me
  • I ordered my new chip card since I’ve been using a temporary one at the bank branch
  • I went grocery shopping for food I probably won’t eat
  • I bought stamps to address my Christmas cards
  • I filled my car with gas
  • I bought Christmas presents for my roommates
  • I returned a book from Barnes and noble
  • I got my referral from my therapist to McLean
  • I reserved a car to take me to the airport Thursday
  • I did my laundry

But then my car started to act up. I have extreme car breakdown PTSD I can’t begin to explain. I have left 3 voicemails with the McLean outpatient coordinator over the past few days.

Clearly I’m productive. I see the list of what I’ve accomplished but I want to do more!!! I want to buy more, I want to have more to look forward to, I want more going on or something. I’m restless and I feel immobile.

And this spinning in my head is a weird sort of pain or itch or I don’t know how to describe it but I hope it rests because I just need to make it through to Thursday.

I just got a call from McLean that the program I wanted isn’t “for me”. So now I have to start back over and leave 5 voicemails and play phone tag and I want an end to this so I can get the help I need.


One thought on “Each day is a rollercoaster

  1. I hate it when my brain itches! I’ve never heard anyone say it like that before too that’s cool. Not the itchiness tho for that I’m sorry…personally I will hunt like a bloodhound til I find the cause or pass out trying. Results vary ofc.
    One thing I do when I’m feeling that awful restless thing (with you in this tonight I cannot sit) is play a stupid phone app game. Something mindless. It’s soothing. Hang in there. You are not alone. Xoxo


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