This morning started out productive.
- I went to the bank to get quarters for laundry
- I got an ankle brace that is working wonders for me
- I ordered my new chip card since I’ve been using a temporary one at the bank branch
- I went grocery shopping for food I probably won’t eat
- I bought stamps to address my Christmas cards
- I filled my car with gas
- I bought Christmas presents for my roommates
- I returned a book from Barnes and noble
- I got my referral from my therapist to McLean
- I reserved a car to take me to the airport Thursday
- I did my laundry
But then my car started to act up. I have extreme car breakdown PTSD I can’t begin to explain. I have left 3 voicemails with the McLean outpatient coordinator over the past few days.
Clearly I’m productive. I see the list of what I’ve accomplished but I want to do more!!! I want to buy more, I want to have more to look forward to, I want more going on or something. I’m restless and I feel immobile.
And this spinning in my head is a weird sort of pain or itch or I don’t know how to describe it but I hope it rests because I just need to make it through to Thursday.
I just got a call from McLean that the program I wanted isn’t “for me”. So now I have to start back over and leave 5 voicemails and play phone tag and I want an end to this so I can get the help I need.