Friendships and mood swings

I have a best friend who is my therapist via text. I mean I text her 20 times in a row about how I feel (including and not limited to my inner thoughts, paranoias, delusions, regrets, resentments, epiphanies, ideas and enlightening) and that may be an understatement. She is literally my sounding board and manic people don’t shut up. She never tells me to stop or that I’m annoying. She’s my lifesaver and without her I feel isolated and locked up. 

But sometimes she doesn’t answer fast enough or she says something that I don’t agree with and it makes me feel agitated and frustrated. Which can trigger even more. So it’s like how do I deal with someone who supports me and loves me but sometimes I just can’t tolerate her reactions. 

I know it all comes from worry. She’s materal towards me so she worries and I can’t receive the way she’s showing love and support in a way that I want it to be received in my distorted mind. 

I can’t imagine how hard it is on her side to have someone like me always needing attention and support and love and comfort. So for now I’m going to try and give her space so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed by my episode. But it is hard to have any sort of relationship with bipolar disorder. 

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2 thoughts on “Friendships and mood swings

  1. I find it extremely difficult to keep friends. They don’t understand the extremity of value I place on the friendship – my loyalty, attention, devotion. And this value is not measured equally. I am not as important to them as they are to me. Its a rude awakening when I realise this, a huge sense of abandonment. Our worth is not measured equally, my perception of the importance of the friendship does not match their own. I find it too devastating. They don’t like my ‘drama’, or ‘unreliability’, but they’ll be the first to laugh at my expense. I’ve just become a recluse. Its so much easier that way

    Liked by 1 person

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