I spoke with my therapist today about what I’m going to do now, in Boston, jobless, with no care team. It’s overwhelming. But I’m going to apply for unemployment and disability. I’m going to go to McLean hospital and hopefully do an out-patient program. I am terrified of having them commit me to inpatient.
It’s tricky because no one here in Boston knows about my illness. I can’t be gone for a week and have an excuse and I can’t talk about how scared, worried, overwhelmed and anxious about how I’m going to find the care I need.
But it’s a learning experience. I have to learn how to manage it now. I have learned I don’t think I do well working full-time 9-5. I don’t do well in mindless jobs and I don’t do well staring at a computer for most of the day.
I’m going to tackle this problem and get my health back together because this isn’t just a health problem because I didn’t like my job. My mental health problem is going to be there throughout my relationships, jobs, lifestyle, etc, etc, etc. I’m learning, I’m trying and I will remain positive.
I need to give myself the rest and break I deserve to get my head back together. It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to take a breath and it’s okay to say no to things and take care of yourself.
Tomorrow is a new day and I’m going into it with the most positive attitude.