Happy Thanksgiving. I have this journal/diary app that prompts me to add a few words each night on 3 things I’m thankful for. My thanksgiving gift to myself is that I’m not going to judge myself on what I’m thankful for.
I’m thankful for
My cats – my two little babies who I adopted in college have been with me through it all. They’ve moved to all of my various homes, gave me unconditional love during the mania and the depression and have always been waiting for me to cuddle after a hospitalization or bad day. Cats also enable me to get up and be responsible. They need to be fed and cared for and that responsibility provides me with a structure that I need and want to abide by.
My dad – No matter how much he can make me anxious and crazy, he’s always found a way to support me whether it be financially, validating my feelings of frustrating, he’s always physically showed up to swim meets, airports to pick me up on time and taken me to fancy events because he knows I love to get dressed up. He puts in an effort to meet my friends and understand my life, unlike my other parent. My dad knows I dread holidays so he set up something special in NYC just for us.
My best friend – she lets me blow up her phone every single day. I can go on a verbal rant and say what I really feel. Usually she doesn’t respond or she’ll respond in a way my mom would. If I don’t like what she’s saying, I change the subject or I yell at her for saying something that makes me feel worse. It doesn’t matter how I react to her reaction, she is always always there for me as many times as I push her away, the sister I’ll never have.
My cell phone – Very millennial of me but my phone holds my life. When I need to type out what I’m feeling, it’s right there. If I feel anxious and need clarity to google something, I can look up my weird and bizarre questions. If I need to listen to music to try and drown out my thoughts, my spotify app is right there. My phone wakes me up, counts my calories, connects me with my old friends and my new friends. My phone documents the moments I want to remember, the moments I don’t remember and the moments I don’t want to remember. I can screenshot something and keep the moment forever or I can delete an unwanted memory and never see it again. Thank you, Steve Jobs
Lastly, I’m thankful for my own strength and willpower. As an athlete, I have always been able to channel that inner voice when I need to. I give in to impulses and bad behaviors so much but I always find a way to make things work. I always find a way to power through the discomfort and pain. I don’t always have a plan. I don’t always keep it together. Sometimes I live second to second, literally. But I have my own back and I’m thankful that I don’t play victim (or don’t try to). I want to create a happy life for myself and for that I am thankful for not only my character but the environment, people, experiences, struggles and this disorder that has shaped me into the human I am today.
What are you thankful for this thanksgiving?