I hate saying goodbye. I always feel guilty and I always feel sad knowing this may be the last interaction. Since I moved, I haven’t told my psychiatrist and I haven’t updated my therapist on how I am or what’s going on. I planned to do skype sessions with her but I’ve been so busy and I don’t think my dad wants to keep footing the $200 weekly session fee.
I have so much anxiety telling my doctor I moved because I’m paranoid he’s going to think it’s an impulsive act or I’m being manic. I doubt he thinks that, this is just how my brain works. I didn’t go into this move prepared for my mental health. The whole actual moving process was a disaster in itself. But I didn’t put together a care team up in Boston and I didn’t plan for a transition from my home doctors to a new set of doctors.
I’m prolonging the process which is probably making it worse because I feel at fault for not communicating what I need for my mental health. It’s an uncomfortable cycle I’m stuck in right now.
And so I am in the prebreak up phase with my psychiatrist.