A year ago on September 2nd, I was released from Columbia-Presbyterian. I left against medical advice. It was my first hospitalization. I was terrified. I didn’t think I needed to be there. I was still manic when I was there and I was still manic when I left.
I went to outpatient for a day and called them to tell them I needed to move on with my life, finish school and get a job. A few short weeks later, I was hallucinating. I went to a wedding where I got in a fight with my mom and ended up hitting her. I started painting, drawing, cutting up magazines and writing until late at night. I was prescribed seroquel, which I would reluctantly take because I didn’t want to sleep. I would take it but set my alarm for 5am so I could continue my artistic endeavors.
I took the semester off of school. I tried to do classes from home but I wasn’t well. I drank a lot. I hung out with old toxic ex boyfriends. I ended up back in the hospital to come full circle and recognize the treatment I needed.
Today, September 2, 2016, I am well. I have my moments but I’ve made so much progress.
Today, on my 1 year anniversary, I had a job interview this morning for a full-time salary, health insurance, etc position. I received confirmation that my University has my transfer credit transcript to fulfill my diploma. I invited the guy I am dating to a black tie event my dad hosts every fall. I have somehow made things with my mom tolerable. I survived a week long family vacation!!! And everything is headed in the right direction.
I constantly feel so proud of myself. I always encourage myself and I never forget how much I’ve improved and progressed. There are days, of course, when I don’t want to take my medication or I want to do something risky. But, I always think of the potential for being hospitalized again or having to put my life on pause to go back to outpatient. I want to keep moving forward and I know I can because I have been.
I feel so humbled to be where I am and I’m so grateful for the people who have helped me and listened to me. Every day is worth celebrating!