I woke up on the anxious side of the bed yesterday morning. I went to the beach, my safe haven, ate my breakfast, drank my iced coffee, read some of my book, listened to some music and went for a quick dip in the ocean. In my go-to relaxation destination, I simply couldn’t shake my anxiety. I know when I’m anxious because I can’t breathe, minus shallow breaths. I take a lot of focus and concentration to try and get my body to inhale deep breaths of air, but sometimes I just have to surrender.
My anxiety was so uncomfortable. I couldn’t read my book; it was boring. There was no music that seemed pleasant. I was irritable and agitated communicating with my friends. I was annoyed at people’s conversations around me. Sometimes in these situations, I resort to eating, though I’m not hungry.
I was looking forward to therapy that Tuesday afternoon, to talk about my difficult state of mind. But then my best friend texted me that she had off of work on Friday, my birthday. So I was instantly happy. Then I got a call back from a marketing agency to set up an interview. After that, I set up a date with a new guy I’ve been talking to for tonight. And just like that, I was on cloud 9.
I went to therapy and told my therapist about my shifting day in which she responded it’s simply my way in the world. That is true, it is the way I experience life. While I don’t understand what it’s like to not have extreme moods and feelings, I always know that the bad and uncomfortable ones do pass. And when I get ahold of a happy phase, it’s amazingly pleasant.