Yesterday was the last first day of undergraduate class I will have forever! The class I’m taking is Drugs and Human Behavior, which I can’t help but laugh how appropriately I’m ending my college career.
I’ve been dealing with this weird feeling of restlessness which I’ve decided to call my current addiction to being productive. I have been waking up at like 6am to go to the beach and I’ll read books until I become bored out of my mind. I apply to at least 10 miscellaneous jobs a day, most of them I only read the requirements but I have no idea what the description is. If I get too bored just sitting on my computer, I’ll go shopping and buy clothes on my credit card that my poor father will have to finance. Since I just broke up with my boyfriend, I’ve been on a few different dating phone apps so I just swipe left and right all day long. Or I’ll feel like eating is a productive thing so I’ll binge but then I’ll purge.
Writing this makes it sound like hypomania but I don’t have racing thoughts and I feel in control in comparison to all the times I’ve been manic. I am agitated but I’m almost always a semi-agitated person unless I’m drinking (which is one thing I have not been participating in, usually a problem area for me tho). I’m not sure if this is a valid point but during the summer, I always feel different and like I need to be so busy and do so much because the season flies by.
Also, I think it’s just that I’m bored living in my hometown with my parents. I took a lease of absence working my retail management position because of school and that leaves me with days filled of nothingness. And while I’m not planning to go back to that position ever, I need some excitement in my life!
My birthday is next Friday and that will shake things up. And who knows, maybe I can find a new boyfriend to keep myself entertained for the next few weeks.
I hope everyone is having a great week! And thank you for all the support on my last post xoxo